We like ceremonies and celebrations. We scoff at
ceremonies like coronations, inaugurations, society
weddings and other public celebrations, but only after we
had watched them, so that we can ridicule the detail. We
silently place ourselves in the place of the main
characters in the celebration, and wish for our own turn.
I remember when Prince Charles and Princess Diana got
married. At the time I was working as a civil servant in
South Africa. For one day, we were allowed to break all
the rules. I had a portable television set in my office,
and we gathered around it all day so that we would not miss
even a tiny detail of the broadcast. This was years after
South Africa became a republic, and we had no official ties
with the royal family. It did not matter. We were caught
up in the magic.
I recently heard about a man who spent that entire day in
bed with his girlfriend, now his wife of many years. They
obviously had their own magic going on that day.
In England the expression "getting a hat" means that a
couple has decided to get married and it is time to prepare
for a celebration, part of which is to buy a hat to wear to
the ceremony.
Nowadays a wedding is preceded by months of planning and
huge expenses. Everything has to be just right, and there
are even mock weddings before the day so that every
participant can remember their steps for the big moment.
Sadly, the cost of a traditional wedding and the emphasis
on the legal aspects of the wedding put people off the idea
of marriage. Add to that the high divorce rate and the
negative emotions that go with divorce, and marriage
becomes a lot less attractive.
A website that i refer to on my blog contains a lot of
amusing and eye-opening information about the various
traditions that go with the modern Christian wedding
ceremony. Virtually nothing of the ceremony has anything
to do with being Christian - or belonging to any other
faith group.
Considering that marriage is not even mentioned in the
Bible, it is interesting how much emphasis the churches and
even some governments place on the institution of the
Christian marriage as a means of controlling relationships.
Among all the fuss, we miss the point. Does it really
matter what style the wedding dress is or which side the
groom stands on? What difference will the honeymoon
destination make to the ceremony, except to cause stress
when the couple are probably already not quite keeping up
with expectations?
What is far more important is the celebration of joy and
happiness when two people find each other and decide to be
a couple. And that does not need to be celebrated with
pomp and ceremony.
There is the modern practice of dating many people and
having no-strings-attached sex with various partners. As a
friend of mine once put it, there is nothing wrong with
good, happy, healthy sex, no matter who your partner is.
That would not work for me, but who are we to judge one
another? I once read somewhere a very cynical definition
of love: when two people wake up together in the same bed
in the morning and neither wants to leave, they have found
love. Such occasions probably call for a minor
celebration, but I wonder.
On the other hand, we have all seen couples that are
radiant together. They clearly belong together and they
want the world to know this. Now that is a celebration. I
mean every time they are in the presence of others and
their happiness spill over to other people, there is a
celebration of love. Whether they ever get married or not
becomes irrelevant.
I once had a colleague who had that kind of love with her
husband. They both had successful careers and they had two
lovely children. Because of discriminatory tax
legislation, they had to pay a huge penalty for being
married and successful. They got divorced and did not tell
anybody. She confided in me a few years after the divorce
and I wondered how she could be so matter-of-fact about
this. This was when my own acrimonious divorce was still
fresh in my mind.
Then she invited me to their house and I met her husband -
and all became clear to me. They had been together for
nearly thirty years, and they were still in love and acting
like newly-weds. There were moments when nobody else
existed for them in the room. I realised that what they
had was a meeting of souls, and that the angels celebrate
with them every time they are together. That is when I put
in my order for a similar relationship, and the angels
listened.
The union of two souls is a celebration. Does it matter
whether the union is between a man and a woman, or between
two people of the same sex in a relationship? Not for me.
And this union does not only happen between couples. I
have seen the same thing with a teenage girl holding her
mother's hand in the company of other adults. The girl was
a stunningly beautiful, well adjusted young lady who was
quite comfortable with expressing her obvious love for her
mother in this way.
I have seen two sisters with very different characters
embrace each other for no specific reason. And that was
not a once-off occasion. Those sisters are both married
women today and will still walk through the proverbial fire
for each other.
I have a friend that has shared my path with me for over
fifteen years now. We live on different sides of the
world, grew up in vastly different cultures, and she smokes
like a chimney, but I was with her when she waded through
hell and she has been there for me during my worst and best
times, often without question, sometimes with strong
criticism, but always with love. The bond between us
transcends all differences and our differences enrich our
friendship.
And I am fortunate enough to be able to often associate
with kindred spirits that radiate this kind of love.
Namaste to all my free flying friends out there!
No document or ceremony can capture this kind of love, and
when it happens to you, you will know, because the room
will be full of angels. When you find such love, hold on
to it.
----------------------------------------------------
Elsabe Smit is the author of the blog <A
HREF="http://www.mypurpleblog.com" Spiritual
interpretations of everyday life</a>
