Isn't it interesting that as soon as a baby is born, the
first thing we do without even thinking about it is to
identify physical traits in the baby that reminds us of
either parent?
Sometimes these physical traits are obvious, like
particularly shaped ears. However most of the time we only
see what we want to see. We all know the colour of a
new-born baby's eyes and hair is not permanent. Yet we
look at these physical traits and use them to make the
parents feel good about their creation. We have nearly
seventy muscles in our faces, and each one of us uses
different combinations at different times. But when faced
with a tiny baby that has been in this world only a few
hours, we actually imagine that we can see a likeness to a
parent in the way they use those unpractised muscles.
But then when we are faced with these beautiful creatures
of God, we are so in awe that any emotional reactions can
be forgiven.
When we look for the likeness to a parent, we intuitively
reflect our understanding that each child is a combination
of the father and mother. This is not just a combination
of sperm and an ovum that results in a new person. This is
a combination of the best and the worst of two souls.
We only experience this fact as the baby grows into a child
and adult and displays behaviour that we feel reflect back
to either parent. Where a child acts like a parent in a
way that is acceptable, we like to praise the child ' "a
chip off the old block". Where the child acts in an
unacceptable way, of course the child is wrong and needs to
be disciplined. We do not for a moment even consider that
the child is still a reflection of the same two parents.
Let's assume that everything our children do and say are in
fact a reflection of us as parents, like a mirror that the
child holds up to us. Where a child reflects behaviour and
emotions such as love and gratitude, we love that child
even more. Where the child reflects any emotion or
behaviour that we do not like, we reject the emotions or
behaviour of the child and try to shape them by means of
various types of punishment, ranging from physical
punishment to emotional withdrawal. Sometimes this is so
blatantly hypocritical, for example parents that smoke and
drink but are very upset about their teenage children that
do the same in imitation of their parents.
Other times the link to the parent is less obvious, because
our children also display our hidden fears and our dark
sides. For example, the child of an overly conservative
parent becomes sexually promiscuous. Or a rich parent who
became rich because of self-discipline and focused ambition
raises a child that has only one ambition, namely to live a
hedonistic life. Everyone is shocked, because the child
has been raised "properly" and the parent is "good".
Nobody realises that the parent needs to redress an
imbalance at soul level, and that the moment it is done,
both parent and child will be healed.
What if we do some introspection and identify the part of
us that we dislike or want to hide, rather than judge and
punish the child?
We often see our own childhoods as times where we suffered
deprivation of some kind, either physically or emotionally,
and we often go out of our way to ensure our children do
not have the same experiences. We do not understand how
our childhoods served the purpose of shaping us into the
people we have become. All we remember is what we like to
call deprivation, and the emotions like resentment that we
like to associate with it.
When our own children are born, we want to withhold similar
experiences from them, because we do not understand how
those experiences redressed an imbalance in us at soul
level. We then go out of our way to re-create the same
imbalance to the other extreme in our children without even
realising it. Then we add to this imbalance all those that
we have to address in ourselves, and we are disappointed in
our children when they show us what our dark side looks
like. Poor children!
When we reject the behaviour of a child, we reject a part
of ourselves that we regard as unacceptable or imperfect.
We in fact say that God created us as a reflection of
Divinity, except that God did not create our dark side. If
God did not create our dark side, then who did? Did we not
do that to ourselves, so that we have ourselves to blame?
If God did create our dark side, then it is perfect,
because God did not make a single mistake when creating
this universe.
The most effective way to change unacceptable behaviour in
your child is to acknowledge that behaviour or emotion in
yourself and make peace with it and accept it as part of
who you are. Then you can love that part of yourself as
well and make a conscious effort to either change your own
behaviour if your dark side is expressed in behaviour, or
change your beliefs about yourself if the behaviour of your
child is the opposite of the side that you normally display
to the world.
Our children look just like us in more ways than we
realise. We should thank God for providing them to us as
teachers.
----------------------------------------------------
Elsabe Smit hereby grants a NON-EXCLUSIVE license to any
and all persons and entities to copy and reprint any
article she posts as long as the article is left IN-TACT
and UNALTERED and proper credit is given to her as Author.
Elsabe Smit is the author of the blog <A
HREF="http://www.mypurpleblog.com">Spiritual
interpretations of everyday life</a> ]
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